Art. I Forget How Big I'am

I've painted a quite a lot of animals but I've given most of them away, painted them on card or painted over them but I did find this one.

Art. Wine

Again a lack of real artist talent forces me to keep things simple and I'm sure if I knew how to work a computer it would make stuff like this even easier by creating it in illustrator. Instead I spend ages just trying to make straight and even lines.
A year ago on 24th of April I started drinking red wine, I'd never really liked it but I have since found that in the right company it can be quite pleasant. This was actually two separate canvas, the faded red drip from the glass is actually red wine, the second canvas continued by me pouring/spilling red wine on it.
I don't claim it takes any talent to spill wine over a canvas.
Wine.

Art. Custard Ink Tears

Not really sure about how this painting came about as a composition but I do know I'd have done it after drinking a bottle of wine. I do know that the ink 'tears' are from a new bottle I'd bought that day and I do know that I accidentally dripped the first spot on the canvas, so I just went with it.
Custard Ink Tears.

Art. First Painting, Half Squares

This is one of the first large canvas I painted. I knew I couldn't really paint or draw so I was just experimenting with patterns, shapes and colours. This was all done by eye and drawn with a ruler and then hand painted. I kinda attempted to make each segment half the size/shape of another segment. It took me about 3 paintings like this before I worked out I could use some masking tape and save me a shit load of time and hassle.
Half Squares.

Art. 'Got the time on yer cock'? Cock Clock.

This really started off after getting a load of cheap clocks from Ikea, some I just stickered up and gave away and then I tried to think of something were the centre could become part of a painting. There were a few different versions before I finally 'came' upon this idea. I liked this idea and always wanted to get it screenprinted and sell them, I showed someone who said, I'd be the only person in the world who'd hang that up in their house. This definatley didn't qualify to be hung up in my workplace.
Anyway, use this post as a reminder to set your COCKS forward an hour. Spring has sprung, the sap is rising.
Art. Cock Clock.

Art. 3 Hearts

I know I've posted this before on Valentine's Day but I think it is one of the best, simplest designs that gets an effective point across.
3 Hearts.

Art. Girl lines

Not to exciting, a few simple lines from top to bottom of the canvas. A classic pose.

Art. Black n White Girl.

This actually started out as a bit of a pattern of just black and white and eventually merged into a nude chick. It was also hung up in work for quite awhile, obviously cos it was less abstract, lacked colour and was more suggestive than rude.
Just look at the length of her neck. One word, giraffe.

Art. Curved Girl.

This was one of a series of five and to my amazement someone actually bought four of them. Some people just have no taste.
Curved Girl.

Art. Girl

Nice wavy hair.

Art. Him and Her

Straight forward, just a few colours.
Torso.

Art. His and Hers

Another set that never made it.
A firey pair of His and Hers.

Art. His and Hers Lines

So these are pretty simple line paintings and not so colourful but apparently still too rude and not that subtle.
His and Hers Line Paintings.

Art. His and Hers

Again, nice colours, abstract but still too rude.
His and Hers

Art. The Insertion

It's abstract, it's colourful and it's still too rude.
The Insertion.

Art. Flowers.

A lady I work with had been asking if I had any new, colourful artwork to hang in her office. I said all my colourful stuff was probably too abstract and the subject matter a bit too rude for the walls. She keep asking for it, 'if it's abstract it won't look obviously rude, so bring it in, how rude can it be?'
Anyway, she deemed it all too obvious and all too rude for her office. on a plus side, she did like the colours.
Cock flower. Fanny flower.